So,  I hear so many of our black men complaining about black woman and the issues they’ve experienced in their past or even their present life. If we are being honest, some of their situations are a result of their own choices. Let’s talk about choices for a moment here!  What is choice exactly? What does it mean?

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Choice – An act of selecting or making a decision when faced with two or more possibilities.  Now, that we now know the definition of the word, choice, let’s talk about the choosing of a mate. What I have come to realize when it comes to men choosing a mate sometimes it isn’t so much about choosing a woman that is the better version of a particular man or one who has certain types of characteristics traits or quality like being a good mother or wife, it’s moreso about if she can help me achieve greatness.  Can she build a home? Is she good with her finances? Is she family-oriented? Self-driven? Motivated? Ambitious? Does she have the capacity and the ability to love me in the way I need and required to be love? Can she help me become a better person? Can she help me to get to the next stage of life? --- I’m sure you get the point. These are questions that men should ask themselves when choosing a mate.

Their choices often don’t come from any of these questions and if it does, it’s rare.  Their choices usually come from a few things for example:

1. Physicality - Is she the “Baddest Bitch” in the room?  Do heads turn when I walk into a room with her? I’m the envy of all my friends and peers. Do I get a high five and a slap on the ass…
2. Lust – Having a sexual attraction or desire for someone that I merely have an infatuation with.
3. Convenience – The woman that makes herself available for any and every thing.  Booty calls, side-chick applicants, women that make no requirements and have no expectations of themselves or the men they’re seeing. The danger of this situation is that you can find yourself stuck with someone you really didn’t want in first place.
4. Curiosity – I may have heard she’s bad in bed, but she may have skills!! I get the try that out.
5. Body count – This is were I’m not choosing a woman because I have any standards, I’m just having sex with anyone and thing that would let me deposit in them.

In essence, when men pick women based on any of the above reasons listed and the relationship doesn’t work out, they develop a negative perception and image of black woman, which isn’t always fair or right. It’s time that black men take responsibility for their actions and man up!! It’s okay for you to admit that you made a bad choice, were immature, irresponsible and restless with your judgement and choice.  

So, is it unfair for men to classify and label all black woman as being gold diggers, drama queens, bossy, angry, negative, dream killers, incapable of love, etc?  ABSOLUTELY, take some ownership of the role you played within the choice you made for your life, and stop blaming the “Black Woman” for one or a few bad choices you made for the wrong reasons.