THREESOMES: TO HAVE or HAVE NO

July 14, 2017
Relationship

The word threesome is more commonly used today than ever before. Huffpost.com discussed a survey published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior that found that about 4 in 5 men and a third of women have some interest in having a threesome. Many women have had this conversation with their partner or with their friends at some point.  With TV, internet or on billboards these days, threesomes have almost become a trend.  With that being said, the pressure to have threesomes seems to be at an all-time high.  Along with this pressure are the images of perfect bodies complete with perfect asses and perfectly blended makeup with bundles or wigs everywhere you turn.   All these factors feed into a woman’s insecurities, which makes it hard for some women to feel secure enough to have a threesome let alone enjoy the experience. The Number ONE factor in all of this is separating SEX from LOVE & INTIMACY. That is a concept that is usually easy for men to grasp.  Women struggle with this mostly because of society’s views on women and sex before marriage.  Women are taught that it’s best to wait until marriage or a long-term relationship, which mentally ties sex to a love commitment.  This seems to distort a woman’s view of SEX and LOVE. In order to open your relationship up to new heights, you both must understand and separate Sex and Intimacy.

Intimacy vs. Sex   

SEX is defined by Google as: Sexual activity, including specifically sexual intercourse. Also Sex is defined as: Either of two main categories (male and female) into which humans and many other living things are divided on the basis of their reproductive functions. SEX in most cases is a physical action with men.   The majority of women attach love and intimacy to sex.  As women are taught to have sex with their husbands, it’s a natural mindset to attach intimacy and love to a sexual act.  I found it interesting in researching definitions of SEX, I never came across Intimacy or Love.   However, in researching Intimacy, you will find the term sexual intercourse.  Although Sex can be intimate, it can ONLY be intimate between two individuals who have BUILT up that intimacy.  Intimacy is NOT attained through a casual encounter.

INTIMACY is defined by Google as: Close familiarity or friendship; closeness. A private cozy atmosphere; closeness of observation or knowledge of a subject.  Healthplace.com defines “Psychological Intimacy as the sense that one could be open and honest about personal thoughts and feelings NOT usually expressed in other relationships.” Synonym for Intimacy are: closeness, togetherness, affinity, rapport, attachment, FAMILIARITY, friendliness, friendship, amity, affection, warmth, confidence and INFORMAL chumminess & sexual intercourse. When a couple is considering a threesome. These are definite steps you want to take toward having a threesome.

The Conversation:

The initial conversation about a threesome is a great place to start. THE Conversation about having a threesome should be nonchalant the first time.  Like reading this article to your partner and asking what they think of some of the key points.  Pay attention to your partner’s reaction.  Be sure to discuss in detail exactly what would turn the other partner on during this menage a trois.  You might let the conversation turn into a sexual romp.  Talk dirty to one another!  Watch some threesome porn. Allow yourself to let go and be naughty, talk naughty and do something that’s sure to turn the other partner on.  Men, it’s important to let her know how sexy she would be enjoying another woman’s kiss!  Don’t get me wrong, there are some definite horror stories of threesomes going wrong and relationships and friendships ending; however, if communication leads the way, this will be the sexiest moment of your relationship, which is why you MUST SET BOUNDARIES!  This is the MOST important part as this sets the basis for the TRUST you two will have through this experience.  

Setting Boundaries: After deciding that you both are on the same page with wanting a threesome as a couple, you must set the boundaries.  This will help both parties feel secure in their relationship and while engaging in sex with a new person.  Setting boundaries consists of discussing the things that are non-negotiable for everyone involved.  Women, this is the time to be honest with your mate about what is NOT okay for your mate to do with your playmate.  It’s okay to reserve something like French kissing for the couple only.  Maybe your man can simply watch while you and the playmate kiss and lick each other and then you and your mate have sex.  This is your sexual romp, make it about you!  Find your comfort level and give yourself permission to enjoy yourself.

The Encounter: Once you have found your playmate, remember to keep their feelings in mind.  Although you two are opening your sexual boundaries up and experiencing new sexual heights with one another, remember the playmate’s feelings.  Be sure to introduce your boundaries to them and be sure to ask what their boundaries are as well. Once everyone is on the same page, go for it.  Play some music, start light kissing and get to know each other.  Break the ice with Truth or Dare: Sex edition, Naked Twister or the Sex Version of 2 Lies & 1 Truth.  This will get you two touching and talking.  The best idea is to go out a couple of times and get to know each other.  My experience has taught me that becoming comfortable with someone and fucking them a few minutes later isn’t easy for first timers.  Remember that the goal here is to experience a new level of sex and sexual enjoyment.

The Aftermath: Once you guys have enjoyed each other and pleased each other to the fullest, take time to cuddle, embrace and confirm each other.  Once the playmate leaves, fellas, it’s IMPORTANT to be attentive and loving to your mate.  Confirm how much you love them and that you appreciate this experience.  The most important thing to say is that your relationship is good.  Confirm that your love is stronger for her because she had the courage to reach a new sexual level with you.  It now becomes important to maintain your preset boundaries and trust level. Ladies, ask questions and speak up if you are feeling insecure. However, it’s NOT okay, to agree to a threesome and then “punish” your mate for enjoying themselves. If you agree, then be mature enough to handle it or have enough courage to say NO.  This can bring you closer; however, it will take two mature adults who are honest with one another to achieve this level and enjoy it! Partners DO NOT contact the playmate without your partner’s knowledge, you will KILL the relationship!  This is the time to establish INTIMACY between you and your PARTNER.  This is done by having moments that only you as partners share.  By confirming the bond between partners, it makes it easier to distinguish between Sex and Love.  The threesome was Sex with a playmate and INTIMACY is the moment that you share as couples like dates, church, sharing times with each others families, children and everyday life together.  Learning the separation between the two and embracing that Men and Women are SEXUALLY attracted to other people and that it is NORMAL will help take your relationship and partner into a new level of sex that will change your life.

By: Caramel ViXxXen

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